I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize