So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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