I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
