Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
