what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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