if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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