I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
