Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
