My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
