i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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