i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
