Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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