holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
