I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
