i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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