found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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