I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
