DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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