Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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