Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
