I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
