There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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