Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
