a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
