saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
