super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
