i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was like eating out sand paper
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
