So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
