You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
