so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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