My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
