You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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