I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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