oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
