You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize