Pappa wants mamma naked
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
