mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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