Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
