she takes plan B like it's going out of style
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
