I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this will be a night to untag.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
