Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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