Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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