you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
