So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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