I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
