the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
