I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am one with the molecules
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize