when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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