tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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