it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
