this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
