Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize