i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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