I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
