I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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