Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
