i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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