I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
