So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
farters have to be the big spoon...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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