I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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