How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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