did you get engaged???
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
