Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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