soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
